I faked an abortion last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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