What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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