guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you mean i was at the winter classic?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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