Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We need to get me chipped asap
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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