She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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