I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
