It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
