I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
