i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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