I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
