those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
