If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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