then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
