The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
