Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
two words: eviction party
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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