You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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