Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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