you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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