My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
