I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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