Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
