$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
