i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
