AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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