I cannot find my penis.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
