sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
