Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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