I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
