so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God, I missed his penis.
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