my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
