i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
