We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How external is "for external use only"?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
