Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
