dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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