You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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