fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
