The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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