Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
