I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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