SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize