dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
