I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
