Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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