I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
