Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
