The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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