good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
