fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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