wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
