the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
