I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
