Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you would pick up someone in the library
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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