it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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