dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
