a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
