I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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