I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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