ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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