Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
