I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
