Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
