A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
