so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
