apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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