ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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