I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize