Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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