did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
