Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
