Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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