Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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