easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
